Nicotine
Like drinking battery acid
burning my throat and gums like a liquid flame
Hits like a tsunami in the brain
Ecstasy reverberating through my arms and every vein
Like breathing in ice
The pain bubbles up, leaving calming waves
Blood flowing yet pools like jelly
Happiness overtakes me
Sweet lullabies caress me
This freedom injected into me
All the damage feels earned and well deserved
Breath feels shallow like after a battle
And the next few days felt awfully gray
The Monster
There’s a monster in the depths and it doesn’t need to breath.
Comes alive every night when you barely fall asleep.
You try to fight, but no one hears you scream.
It eats you with its eyes and smells you with its teeth.
You died on the nights when you can’t remember your dreams.
Retaliate
I hate that I love this feeling.
This sense of turmoil and deep-seated sickly feeling.
I hate the cyclical symptoms repeating:
Lock-step and no exit door.
Parasitic feelings keep me breathing.
Doubts of being a being worth keeping.
I want to prove them wrong so deeply.
It’s what keeps me from joining the floor.
Herald
Souls come alive in never-ending seas of divine delight.
Wishing they can see behind the veil of an endless light.
The sacred sign that there’s more inside all life.
Vacant eyes living redundant lives.
Suck the failure, the failure of their plight.
The Savior, a heard in death, and by design.
Awaken and come to life, living on endlessly inside their minds.
My Light
My light that never dies,
Make me a saint, redefined.
Pulled by oblivion,
Faith and Doubt intertwined.
Rip off the scales from my eyes,
so I may witness the hells I’ve denied.
Watch as I desperately stay alive.
Savouring every pain and making it mine.
Make use of my plight,
My keeper, my undying light.
Soon to join in essence, what’s Holy and Divine.
My nights will echo of what’s to be left behind.
My wants, a sign of pride.
My fears, forever mine.
My tears, to my last goodbye.
Institutionalized
I’ve gone through Hell inside my mind.
Tortured in ways, only I could devise.
Wrote in ways, simply to keep me alive.
As I sank into darker depths,
my words sang with deeper breath.
It became my alchemy,
transmuting pain into clarity.
I thought my work was unending,
because there’s no end to human suffering.
Now I’ve aged, and grown complacent;
No more blares and sirens racing.
It’s gone quiet. I’m at peace,
and I hate it. This lack of prison.
I miss my words soaked in essence.
I miss finding life,
when it was hard to come by.
Atleast then it felt like it was mine.
I’ve gone through Hell,
and came out institutionalized.
Rebirth
Words coalesce like black ink in my head.
Morphine drip of night mixed with dread.
Sinking deeper into the pit in my bed.
A euphoric torrent that crashes to a lull.
Hot devil-spat embers circulate, as my blood flows.
Soul strapped to a pyre burns inside of me.
Leaving an ashen next,
Something’s crawling out of me.
Stars imploding in my heart, I watch silently.
It draws a breath, while I release mine.
I see light in its mind.
Fits of rapture welcome me to my end,
just as their pain starts to set.