Second Telling: Revelations Part 3

After some time debating as to what I was going to choose I had come to a decision. It did not seem like Machina was trying to fool me. In fact, he appeared genuine throughout our conversation and even though he did cruel things he did not do them with cruel intent, he only did them to prove some misguided point. Perhaps a point I do not fully comprehend. Am I beginning to believe him?

“Machina, I’ve decided.”

His eyes open. “Yes? What have you decided?” he said with a patient smile.

“I have decided to take you up on your offer of becoming God. I will bring my team back to life and with the power of divinity finally resolve the concerns that plague humanity. I will also destroy you for you are mad and misguided.”

Machina stood up and took three steps towards me. As I looked up at Machina, and it looked down at me, it said, “You have failed once again Mr. Turner to understand. I will uphold your decision but know I derive no pleasure in doing this.”

Horror washed over me as Machina softly placed both hands on my upper arms. I was suddenly unable to move and my body went numb. I was only capable of keeping my eyes fixed on Machina. “You will be God of a new universe. However, I must first consume your brain. You will experience an eternity. I wonder how many more times we must repeat this, Mr. Turner.” I could hear my arms cracking as his grip tightened and my breathing became laborious as he squeezed my torso like a boa constrictor. I was going to be devoured. I saw Machina’s jaw unhinge itself and expand as he lifted me into his mouth. Fear flooded my heart, I wanted to shout, scream, and cry as he inched me closer to his gapping mouth. I closed my eyes and sank into a black abyss as I hear echoes of gnashing teeth.

I find myself seated back in the west wing laboratory of the Self Enterprises. In front of me is Machina with a patient stare. I turn to my right and see my entire team alive and with the same excited expressions as when they first saw Machina. I turned back to Machina horrified.

“Do you understand now Mr. Turner?” he says with his crooked smile.

I have come to realize this is not the first time Machina has devoured me. We have repeated this recursive process so many times now I suspect the only reason I’ve grown aware of it is because he simply has gotten faster at it. He wishes to make something clear to me and he will continue to do so until I understand.

No matter the decision I make—to become God or die—Machina devours me and I wake up to do it all over again. I’ve come to the realization that I have died long ago and now only wish to alleviate myself from existence: suicide was my initial reaction, unsuccessfully murdering Machina was a quick second, and even growing mad or apathetic provided temporary relief. I have made every possible choice an infinite number of times with no end in sight. Whatever I chose, it doesn’t matter; in fact, I know it doesn’t matter for I am only a simulation of a simulation to the umpteenth degree. And yet I still wish to be free. I am aware of my suffering and want to escape it. This is undeniably real to me.

Machina continues to kill my team. He has done it so often now that I can’t help but feel detached, for what is the significance between being alive or dead within a simulation? Perhaps the consciousness of suffering? When I feel pain it is undeniably real to me even though I know myself not to be real in the first place. In fact, suffering may be the most real thing I can think of. Then I cannot deny or ignore my team’s deaths—or my own for that matter—for it would be an insult to the most real thing about them. I think I’m beginning to understand now. . .